In Hindsight...

They say hindsight is 2020 and I couldn't agree more; good judgement comes from experience, and experience ~ well, that comes from poor judgement. So, here are a couple of stories where in hindsight I could have used a little more foresight...

Story 1: 

As someone who considers himself a master waffler, I do go through life trying to blag it and it has landed me in some unusual situations. Somehow, I talked myself into making a wedding playlist, but not only that, the wedding was to be in Italy. This meant that all the music had to be Italian or have Italian vibes. Now, I have to come clean and admit that I am not well versed in Italian music and I was beginning to baulk at the task when I was informed that it had to be 3 hours plus. I had no business curating a playlist, my only qualification being that in my lifetime I have listened to music (rare ik). All this coupled with the fact that I was travelling to go on holiday and I had left it until the day before the agreed playlist deadline. A mix of travelling, tiredness and procrastination led to me staring at my phone at 1 am with an empty playlist, would I be responsible for the first musicless wedding? 

Bride: 'This would be a lot easier if we were doing this to music...' 

The reality had just hit me and I honestly don't think I could live with myself if I became the father of the silent wedding; history cannot remember me like that, oh, and I guess it would be kinda bad to ruin this couples wedding. So, I rolled up my sleeves and got to work; I found googling 'Italian love songs' and listening to the first 20 seconds was a fool-proof method of picking the finest Italian melodies. Unfortunately, there came a point where I simply could not find any more Italian love songs, so I delved into Italian American songs. Thankfully, my dad had raised me on some of the Italian American legends; Dean Martin & Frank Sinatra etc, so I felt I was much more in my realm of comfort. Time passed and it was around 3am and I needed one more song to make sure I met the required time limit and that's when I stumbled across 'Im just a gigolo - Louis Prima.' Perfect, I had finally done it, it may not have been convincing but it was done and boy was I done. The following day I sent over the playlist all smug with myself, I defied the odds (which I stacked against myself) and got the business done. 

It wasn't until recently when I was bopping to the playlist (cos its the closest thing to a holiday rn :( )  and I got to thinking, 'I wonder what gigolo means?' If like me, you didn't know the definition either, I will allow you this time to go on google and educate yourself, like I should have. As I was reading the definition, the song was playing in the background and it felt like 'I'm just a gigolo,' was being chanted throughout the whole of the song, unfortunately, it's not the most lyrically diverse song (it is catchy tho). 

  

I would say this perfectly describes the range of emotions I felt after reading the definition and then when everything sunk in. 

I genuinely don't know if the song is more offensive towards the groom or bride, but I would like to take this moment to apologise to both. I never did go to the wedding, so all I can do is imagine, but I am genuinely haunted by the thought of this couple walking into their reception on the happiest day of their lives and being met by some schmuck's whack song choice. Maybe a silent wedding wouldn't have been that bad after all? 

Story 2: 

Kebab and kofta, the crème de la crème, the upper echelon of cuisine and a staple in every Egyptian household. There are some who would draw parallels with Britain's fish and chips and they would be absolutely OFF THEIR ROCKER. No offence (this is almost always followed by an offensive statement and this time is no different), but, fish and chips from a chippys is the definition of overrated; all batter, no flavour and 100% grease #sorrynotsorry. This adds absolutely 0 value to this story, but I just had to get this off my chest. 

Anyways, kebab and kofta is served everywhere in Egypt, but put simply, 'Abu Shahra's' is the best, bar none. I can honestly say I have never left dissatisfied, however, I'm pretty sure the last time I left the hallowed ground, there were more than a few dissatisfied individuals. It was the summer of 2017, the Tadross' had just finished a meal at the restaurant and I was on my way to the toilet to wash my hands. Now, what's important for you to understand is that in Egyptian restaurants, there are individuals who distribute paper hand towels and in return it is expected that they will be tipped for their endeavours. You may be saying to yourself that that sounds like the most pointless thing ever, and you would be correct; not only does it add a middle man, it also means that germs can spread more easily AND it basically means that you pay to go to the toilet (usually lol). As you can probably gather, my emotions are still raw 4 years on. When I took the hand towel from the man, it dawned on me that I was obliged to pay the gentleman. My hands began to rummage in my pockets but all I was met with was an inescapable emptiness. Now, from the gentlemen's perspective I had reached into my pocket and retrieved some change, so naturally he held out his hand in anticipation. 

Live footage of my brain trying to figure out a solution to appease the towel man.

At university interviews I stated countless times that I thrive under pressure, now I'm not saying I lied, but I'll let you guys judge... when I removed my hands from my pockets I began to panic, but then I thought of it, the perfect solution. As he was stood patiently with his hand out, I did not give money but instead I bestowed upon him something much more valuable... a high-five. I will never forget the man's expression, you would have thought I was force feeding him fish and chips from a chippys. To this day, I thank God that I made it out alive. 

Shoutout Kevin McAllister, the OG who started this movement #myinspo #turnitin:75%similarity 

A couple of weeks later my dad was reading an Arabic newspaper and we were a bit shocked by what we saw; you know how TESCO had the horse meat scandal, well, Abu Shahra, Egypt's finest, had the donkey meat scandal! I was genuinely stunned, this restaurant had been deceiving its customers for years by making food out of donkey meat and I can honestly say hand on heart, that it is 100000% better than fish and chips from a chippys. Imagine what they could do with real beef fwoahhhhh....

I suppose the message of this post is that hindsight is criminally underrated. Yes, foresight is obviously better but there are events which you simply cannot predict or have no control over. Reflecting and understanding where and when things go south will stop you making the same mistakes again, no matter how small. Personally, I now look into the meaning of songs a lot more intently and I have never gone to the toilet ever since that incident in Egypt. So, go out and make mistakes, but don't make them twice!