Misinformation

Folks, I don't know what to say, it's fair to say that it's been a minute; so much so, I considered changing the page name from 'Andrewrites' to 'Andrewrote.' I actually decided to pick up the virtual pen because my dad, who honest to God, has never read a SINGLE one of my blogs, said that he was disappointed I stopped. So, I hope this puts a smile on his face; although realistically, he will never even know I've posted, because again, he doesn't visit this page :( This piece is acc pretty topical, it's about misinformation; there seems to be a lot going round nowadays, whether that be about vaccines, social media or whatever. Thankfully, my examples are a lil more light-hearted, I hope you enjoy! 

Recently I was fortunate enough to visit Lisbon for a friend's wedding, although it was a blessed day and an experience I will never forget, it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. Before I begin, I would just like to say Portugal is one of the most underrated holiday destinations and this story was only a minor blip in what was a 9.5/10 experience. I mean what is there not to love; the people play football on the streets till the early AM, it is home to the infamous pastel de natas and its an absolute factory for producing the coolest names in the world- shoutout my taxi driver, Gustavo Da Silva, LEGEND xoxo. 

Ed Sheeran's inspo when writing 'Perfect' ^^

 This anecdote actually takes place in the local market place, I was scouring the area for souvenirs for friends and family when I stumbled across ' Lisbon's souvenir store.' I thought 'If this place does what it says on the tin then I am sorted.' After a thorough and strategic narrowing down of options I settled on purchasing some fridge magnets. My decision was in no way swayed by the fact that they looked exactly like the Nando's chicken logo... Anyways, my eyes traced up the wall to a sign, it read '1 FRIDGE MAGNET 1 EURO.' I grabbed three fridge magnets (yes these souvenirs were for friends AND family, I need to go out more IK); I approached the front and handed the magnets to the desk clerk. He took a half-glance at the products and blurted out ' 5 euros.' I paused for a second, maths has never been my strong suit but summit wasn't adding up. I replied "Sorry, but your sign says that a magnet is one euro." Now I love a plot twist as much as the next guy, but I have to say I wasn't a fan of what unfolded next. He replied abruptly "NO no no no sir, 1 magnet is 1 euro, 3 magnet is 5 euro, it is GOOD DEAL.'

Caption really isn't necessary... 

Clearly this geez thought he was talking to a schmuck, a classic European tourist who unknowingly gets taken advantage of, he was mistaken. All those years of mama shouting at me for not getting the right answers to the key stage 2 mental arithmetic book had trained me for this very moment, I was ready. (If you don't know what this is, you weren't raised right, sorry not sorry).

WARNING: If you suffer from PTSD look away now!

I cleared my throat, gathered my thoughts and then proceeded to speak incoherently for 30 seconds. What came out was summit that sounded a bit like this 'ahhhhh ohhh naaaaaaa, hol up, say again.' Thankfully, due to the language barrier the clerk thought that he just missed what I said, so I had the chance for redemption. This time I laid down the law, I said "Do I look dumb? Alright then, I only want to buy one magnet." I paid the man the euro and then I looked at him again and smuggly said " I would now like to buy another magnet.' The prankee had become the prankster. If you haven't caught on to whats happening by now, I am sure the Lord has blessed you in other areas. Long story short, I bought three magnets. I victoriously grasped them from his hands, turned to the owner and said 'Now thats a 'Good deal.' The absolute cheek on me, I am not usually petty but Lisbon souvenir store rubbed me the wrong way. Anyways, in the aftermath I obviously thought I was a sick guy, but in the commotion I unfortunately forgot to buy souvenirs for some people. The major problem being that this was only realised when I was back in the UK. Thankfully, I was able to contact a friend who was still in Portugal to smuggle back some Nando's chicken fridge magnets for me, shoutout AL xoxo. I would like to take this moment to publicly declare that at no point, did I EVER consider buying fake replicas online in the hope that people wouldn't realise (don't check my amazon search history pls).

Another time I was gravely misinformed, was when I was looking to buy a present for a mate of mine (clearly I should be blacklisted from buying gifts). After seeking advice from another friend of mine I was reliably informed that this individual loved FIFA 22. I am not pulling out receipts but this quote is verbatim, 'YEAH YEAH BRO, HE LAAAAAVVS FIFA 22, when he found out I had it, he asked to come over.' What this nincompoop didn't mention was that the individual in question already had FIFA 22, this was only revealed to me after purchasing the item. Luckily, I found out the day before his birthday about the shambles that had ensued; I had a lifeline, another chance to rectify my errors. The problem I had was that the friend that I wanted to get a gift for, I had only met in the last month, so I had to go off recommendations from others. Albert Einstein once said "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." For that very reason I decided to go back to the mate I asked advice from in the first place. I asked him again, "U know of any gifts that I could get him." We brainstormed for a bit, he goes "HEEE LAAAVVS LIVERPOOL, he's a big Mo Salah fan.' So, I decided to get him a Liverpool shirt and said I'd call it a day, everyones happy right? WRONG. After purchasing the replacement gift I bumped into the intended recipient later that day, I thought here is my chance to verify my sources validity. I began to talk normally tryna slip in football to see if he would bite, AND BOY DID HE BITE. He began to tell me how he went to a Liverpool game the other week...

My internal reaction, thought I had smashed it...

So, with a BIG smile on my face, I continued "Are you a big Lpool fan then?” Without a moment’s hesitation he began to shake his head with the utmost rigour, to the extent I thought he was gonna pull summit. 

In laymen terms, this is what the kids call a flop, an undisputed L, a real sobering moment. Standing in front of the individual I tried to put on a brave face, but all was not gewd in the hewd. I began to look at the floor to try compose myself, when my eyes were drawn to his tracksuit bottoms, there was an emblem embroidered on it looked a little like this.. 

 

For reference, the badge he was sporting was a Manchester united badge; now you don’t have to be the keenest football fan to know that Man U and Lpool don’t mix. In fact, you would be hard pressed to find two teams which hate each other more than these two. Now gifting a United fan, a Liverpool top, that is a recipe for disaster. It’s like gifting the Pope a Quran or buying Boris labour PJs, you just don’t do eeet. But hol up, this don told me he went to a Pool game, why would he go if he ain’t a fan? What I forgot was that in a football match TWO teams have to play each other; you’ll never guess who Liverpool’s opposition were? That’s right, Man U. Yeahhhh LOOOONG DAY (especially for him cos United lost 5-0 #whenolewasatthewheel). 

You may be gone now Ole, but you did a great service for the footballing world #gonebutnotforgotten

 Now, you must think that's the story, it doesn't get any lower than this; well let me take you on a journey my friend. It turns out, unbeknownst to me, since meeting the person in question, I had been spelling his nickname wrong. Now usually this isn't deep, we all make mistakes, we learn and move on. My mistake was a lil more permanent tho. In classic me-style, I had only gone and got his nickname printed on the back of the shirt with the incorrect spelling. Yeah, stop the world, I wanna get off. So to summarise, I bought this friend of mine, FIFA 22 which he already had and in an attempt to rectify the situation I bought him a football shirt of a team he strongly dislikes, with his name wrongly spelt. They say God has a sense of humour but I am not laughing.